Make it Without You
by Leonhart17
Summary: *one shot* Try as we might to keep from feeling pain, sometimes it's just unavoidable. Sometimes it is... it just might take a little work...


This one complies to the site's facist demands so here it is, but there's smut y'all haven't read in existence unless you're following my lj or my tumblr... But I'm really not interested in bringing more visitors to this site while it's still so screwed up, so this is it for me here...

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The door of Callie's apartment opening drew Arizona Robbins' eyes up from her laptop, the screen displaying flight options. "Hey, we scored!" she announced with a pleased smile. "My cousins said we can use their timeshare. So, Fiji..." Callie was stripping off her leather jacket as she rounded the couch toward her. "We can either go at the end of the month or we can save up three weeks of time and rearrange our surgical schedules and go at the end of next month..."

Not appearing to hear her, Callie took a seat on the coffee table and lifted her left hand, palm out to display something.

It took Arizona a second to realize that there was something else going on and she shook her head, smile still in place. "What's that?" She even laughed, the dark cloud Callie had brought in with her not penetrating her mood yet.

Callie saw the gorgeous smile on her girlfriend's face, the dimple in her cheek, and she wasn't sure she could say it. But _not_ saying it was killing her, was killing them. She hated walking on eggshells around the woman she loved, hated the little looks Mark Sloan kept sending her in the hall, trying to urge her to speak. She knew he was trying to help, in his way, but two days ago they'd been the go-to couple for advice in the hospital and now she was getting relationship advice from _Mark Sloan_? Hell no.

So she took a breath and kept her gaze steady. "It's this cute girl's number," she answered, watching the smile fade and slide away. "And I can't get it off. And I'm not going to use it. I don't want to use it." They stared at each other for a moment and the hurt on Arizona's face made her chest ache. Her eyes fell to her open hand, unable to bear her partner's pain. "But I can't stop wondering if maybe she wants a baby one day."

Their eyes met again, Arizona's mouth open but she was speechless. This couldn't be happening. She'd been planning their vacation and now Callie was showing her some other woman's number on her hand.

Her girlfriend's voice snapped her back to the present. "I love you," Callie breathed, sounding almost pleading. "Everything about you. But there's this one thing that I need and I can't change it, and I can't ask you to change, I don't want you to change."

"But I can't be the one that keeps you from having a baby," interjected Arizona quietly. Callie just sighed and Arizona's heart clenched. "I love you too. And we can keep going..."

"But I don't know where we're going-" Callie interjected, the words breaking Arizona's heart.

"Come here," she coaxed in a soft tone, Callie moving from the coffee table to the couch where Arizona could reach her, guiding her into a kiss with a soft hand on her jaw. It wouldn't be their last kiss, she couldn't let it. Because Callie Torres was the only one she could imagine her future with. And she couldn't just let her get away. "We're going to be happy," she breathed as the kiss ended, her forehead against Callie's. They were so close that all she could see was brown eyes. "Right? I love you, Callie. And I don't want to lose you."

"But what are we going to _do_?" Callie pleaded, wishing desperately that there was an easy solution. She wanted a baby and Arizona didn't. There wasn't any way around that that she could see.

"We'll talk," suggested Arizona hopefully. "We'll talk about everything. And we'll probably cry and maybe there'll be some yelling, but we have to agree here and now that no one's going anywhere..."

"Arizona..."

She squeezed her eyes closed, breathing slowly. "If we can't say that, then I'll get my stuff," she offered, barely able to choke out the words.

"And what?" Callie sounded just as lost, as miserable.

"We'll see each other at work..."

What, like, be friends with Arizona? Work friends, even? The occasional drink after work (but always in a group because if they got drinks just the two of them, there would be no playing at being _just_ friends), casual chit chat in the halls, no touching? It sounded like hell.

And if that was their life, eventually they would have to move on from each other, date other people, fall for other people. The thought was enough to make her feel like her heart was being ripped out. The jealousy would drive her mad. She'd been jealous of George and Izzie, but how would she feel watching Arizona love someone else, even if she wasn't still in the picture? She wanted to be in Arizona's picture. She wanted to be the only one in Arizona's picture of her future.

"No," Callie ground out, not surprised to realize that she was near tears. "I don't want that. I want you."

"And a baby. You want a baby, Calliope," Arizona reminded her unnecessarily. "But if you don't want me to go, I want to fight this out with you," she declared, slowly leaning back. "Because you're worth it. We have issues, and we'll have to compromise, and it'll probably hurt, but you're worth the work, Callie. And I want to make it work with you. I don't want anyone else."

Callie's eyes fell to the phone number still barely legible in her palm. "I don't want anyone else either," she murmured, closing her fist decisively. "And I don't want you to go. I'm going to fight for you."

It made something in Arizona's chest swell. She knew Callie loved her, but Callie loved everyone. That was one of the innumerable things she loved about her girlfriend. She had the biggest heart. And they were surgeons, trained for distance and rationality, but Callie was all empathy and emotion and it was captivating. She was passionate and it was beautiful. So to see her being passionate about _her_, about keeping their relationship alive? Indescribable.

Callie could only blink, surprised, when Arizona smiled suddenly. "Okay then," she said softly, barely audible. Her weight shifted and she turned to sit facing Callie squarely. "Let's talk about this."

"Haven't we tried this already? You don't want kids, Arizona."

"No, I don't, but I want you, so we're going to try again," Arizona declared, her smile not slipping but softening. "I want the big house, and the dogs, and I want to marry you, Callie, and grow old together. Kids were never part of my plan. But other than being a surgeon, the plan wasn't really laid out in much detail until I met you."

Callie's laugh made her heart skip a beat. It had only been a day or two since she'd heard that laugh, but she missed it. She wanted to make her laugh every day if she could. "So you're saying there's wiggle room there, or what?" asked Callie, curling her knee up under her other leg and picking at the creases in her jeans.

Arizona didn't say anything for a second, not wanting to throw out a flippant answer. Was there room for change in her plan? Like, a baby sized change in her plan? Callie's baby?

Frankly, the thought of raising a child made something in her gut freeze up in icy terror, part of the reason she'd never considered undertaking that something she wanted. And she was a surgeon – there was already plenty of responsibility on her shoulders before she piled on being entirely responsible for not only the health, but the health and happiness of a tiny human of her own...

Thanks, but no had always been her first instinct. But she forced that down and tried to think of doing it with Callie. Could it be part of her plan if she was sharing the responsibility with Callie? She wasn't sure, not yet. Could she love that baby? That question was easier – anything of Callie's she already loved. But would that love be enough to overpower the fear that came along with knowing _everything_ that could ever hurt that child? There was no way to know...

"I don't know," Arizona said honestly, Callie's shoulders slumping as she sighed in disappointment. "The only thing that's nonnegotiable is that you're there."

"Yeah?" The hope on her face matched what Arizona could feel pulsing in her own chest.

"I want to make you happy, I want to be able to give you everything you need," Arizona said slowly, reaching for Callie's hand but waiting for her girlfriend to make contact before lacing their fingers. "So I'm going to try like hell to want that. I need to know something though," she sighed, meeting brown eyes. Callie nodded, listening intently. "I can try to want kids, for you, but I need to know that if I don't ever get there, if I can't ever give you that, I need to know that I'm enough." Arizona licked her lips, nervous. "Just me, for the rest of your life."

Callie wasn't sure she'd ever heard anything so perfect in her life as Arizona for the rest of their lives. And that was all there was to it, she realized. She wanted to be with Arizona. Period. There weren't any stipulations on that statement. Whatever it meant for her future, she wanted her life to be with Arizona. And if she didn't get it, maybe she would miss the baby she wanted every once in a while, maybe here would be moments where it made her miserable, but she knew that life with her love would be full of so much happiness and joy. And she wanted a baby, but not just any baby, and not just for the sake of having a baby, not anymore. She'd always wanted a baby, but now, now that she knew Arizona, loved Arizona, she wanted to do it _with _her.

"Arizona... yes," she breathed, blue eyes scanning her face as if she wasn't sure what she'd heard. "You are everything to me. A life with you – life with you is awesome," her choice of words was deliberate, "and that's all I need." They exchanged sudden shy smiles. Maybe they could really make this work. "I can't promise that I won't miss having a kid some days, but you will always be enough for me, Arizona." Her smile faded some. "That would be okay, right? Not every day or anything, but maybe just every once in a while?"

Nodding, Arizona leaned forward to brush her free hand across a tan cheek. "Calliope, yes. I don't want you to regret being with me-"

"That's never going to happen," Callie cut her off, leaning into the touch on her face. "I love you."

"I love you too," whispered Arizona softly. "And I really do want to try and want kids. Because you would be a beautiful mother." She heaved a heavy breath. "I just don't know. But please just give me time. And we can talk about it. Just, if we're ever talking about it, can you do me one favor?"

"Anything," she promised without hesitation.

"Don't, even kidding around, suggest we get _stuff_ from Mark." Arizona grimaced, almost pouting. "He still reminds me like once a month that he used to see you naked regularly."

Callie winced, shaking her head. "Sorry about that. And no, I promise you, if we ever have a baby, it'll be me and you, no Mark Sloan involvement, I swear."

That sounded nice. Not the Mark thing, exactly, though that was a bonus, but the 'me and you.' Doing anything with Callie was preferable to doing it alone. Or in the case of having a baby, not doing it at all. Because she really did want to give Callie everything that she wanted or needed in life. So she was going to try like hell to wrap her head around the possibility of having babies with Calliope Torres.

Callie shifted on the couch and brought her back to the present. "You okay?"

"I want you, closer," Callie said, nodding. Hesitantly she opened her arm. "Hug?" Arizona crawled forward into the embrace, head coming to rest on her girlfriend's chest, arm snug across her waist. "Thank you."

Laughing quietly, Arizona snuggled into the arm Callie wrapped around her back. "Happy to do it," she promised. There was nowhere in the world she was more comfortable than Callie's arms.

The tension bled away into the quiet, Arizona just resting comfortably against Callie while they each tried to process their heavy conversation. They weren't breaking up. And things weren't perfect, but they were going to try. They were going to fight to keep their relationship together.

"So..." Callie's fingers had started playing with her hair idly almost twenty minutes before and Arizona had to jump to wake herself up when Callie broke the silence. She could feel Callie's smile without needing to see it. But the other woman knew exactly how having her hair played with made her doze. "We're not breaking up. No one's leaving."

"Nope," confirmed the drowsy blonde, resolute in spite of being sleepy.

"And I don't think we're ready for the big house, or the dogs, or marriage yet," Arizona went stiff in her arms at the words, "but I do think we should take some kind of step here," Callie declared, rubbing soothing circles across the top of Arizona's shoulders.

"Um, okay, like what?" She loved that they were talking, that they weren't closing the door on their future together, but she couldn't help being nervous about whatever Callie said next.

"Move in with me. Or I'll move in with you. Whatever you want. I just want us to come home to each other every night. I want us to share a sink, and a dresser, and a blow dryer." She'd been sounding fairly confident, but she spluttered on blow dryer. "Or something more romantic than that," she added weakly.

Arizona's super magic smile was hidden in the soft fabric of Callie's top and her fingers wound into the side, holding her partner more tightly against herself. "Like a bed?" she suggested playfully, trying to be helpful.

"Yes, like a bed! Or breakfast!"

Arizona lifted her head at that to stare at her. "Breakfast? Calliope, breakfast is not romantic. I mean, I guess it's more romantic than a _blow_ _dryer_, but still!"

"Breakfast in bed is pretty romantic," Callie countered, smiling at her girlfriend's incredulous expression. "But that's not what matters right now. I just asked you to move in with me." Blue eyes blinked but Arizona didn't speak. "So, will you? Or if you're totally hating the idea, I guess that would be okay too..." she tacked on unconvincingly.

"Yes, Calliope," Arizona softly interjected before the ramble could get out of control. "I would love to move into a place where I basically already live."

"Or we can move into your place. Because I know this one has Cristina and Owen, and Mark right across the hall..." Arizona's smile was incredulous again. "And I don't really want to live with them, just you. So if you think your apartment would be better..."

Arizona bit her lip, unconsciously crossing her arms on Callie's shoulder and resting her head there so they could maintain eye contact. "You're serious... You'd get a new place?"

"No, not me – _we_. It would be _our _place, Arizona. Of course, that's only if you want to do it." Callie arched an eyebrow at her in an attempt to hide her nerves.

Arizona saw through her though and shook her head without lifting it from her crossed arms. "I already said yes," she reminded her. "I'm not going to change my mind. I want us to live together."

Callie's breath of relief was immediate and deep, Arizona falling more firmly into the space between the back of the couch and Callie's side. She wouldn't be able to separate herself from the other woman easily now. If she had any interest in extracting herself, which she didn't. "Maybe we could look for a new place..."

Nodding, Arizona put her head back down on Callie's shoulder. "Not tonight though. It's been a long day and I just want to get some sleep." She smiled when warm lips pressed a kiss to her hair, a hand sliding comfortably over her shoulder.

"Tomorrow then," murmured Callie. They hadn't solved anything yet, there would undoubtedly be more discussions to be had, tears to fall, problems to work through, but they weren't going anywhere. They had the time to get it right. They had all the time in the world.


End file.
